TOM SEAMAN

The value of living with tremendous challenges

If you got past the title without rolling your eyes or getting angry (I understand if you did either or both as you will see below), I hope you will read further. I say this because many people are living ridiculously hard lives and see this kind of cliché title and it turns them off. Kind of like the saying, “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” While I believe this to be true for most things, it is not universal, and for some people this phrase is nonsense.

25 years ago when my life changed on a dime when insane chronic pain hit me when I developed a neurological movement disorder called Dystonia, the last thing I wanted to hear at that time is what I’m writing about. So, I completely understand that for people who are really struggling right now, the last thing you want to hear is a positive spin on life challenges, but please give me a chance. This may not hit you now, but it might at some point in your life, so keep what I share on the back burner.

I believe that life is filled with endless opportunities. Sometimes the opportunities, or silver lining, are hard to see when we have problems with our health, finances, family, career, etc., but they exist. When we shift our thought patterns, opportunities and options will most always be revealed.

As Napoleon Hill wrote in Think and Grow Rich, “One of the tricks of opportunity is that it has a sly habit of slipping in by the back door, and often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat. Perhaps this is why so many fail to recognize opportunity.”

Instead of recognizing the opportunities that lie within our misfortune, we often get angry and closed off to options. We would prefer to stay angry for a while, and that’s okay. It’s part of the grieving process.  Some even feel vengeful, as if the world is out to get them. It is imperative that you allow yourself to feel these emotions, but be careful about letting them define you. The more we think and feel a certain way, the more embedded that emotion becomes a part of us, and we bring it to every situation in life.

If we want to transcend a challenge and persevere, we must shift our perspective, open our minds, and really pay attention. It is then that we realize that life is happening for us, not to us. Then we can break free from the nagging negative emotions that run our lives.

This perspective can help us remain hopeful in the present moment and about our future. It also allows for significant growth to take place, as it is often during difficult times that we learn the most about ourselves. Challenges require us to truly look deep inside to find the life-changing lessons. This is one of the gifts of “problems.” They teach us character and how to be mentally and physically resilient.

As I mentioned, 25 years ago my life dramatically changed when I developed a painful neurological movement disorder called Dystonia. I literally lived on my floor for 5 years because of the intense muscle contractions in my neck and back that locked my head in a 45 degree angle, along with pain through the roof unlike anything I knew existed. I had lived through many painful injuries throughout my life, but nothing remotely close to the pain from my very severe case of dystonia. The muscle contractions and pain weren’t intermittent or from flare-ups or anything like that. It was constant 24/7 and never ever receded.

Needless to say, dystonia has been the greatest challenge of my life, but also one of my greatest teachers. I put in years of hard work and dedication to find ways to get my symptoms under better control, which is still a daily practice, part of which was to stop fighting against it and learning to work with it to find peace and healing. This gave me a new outlook on a life I thought was taken from me. Dystonia changed things in major ways indeed, but it opened doors to important life classrooms. When I learned to live with it and not fight it so much, I saw many things from a different perspective to learn and grow as a person.

After years of tremendous challenges, I found meaning and purpose again by becoming a life coach, motivational speaker, and author of hundreds of articles on physical and emotional health issues, as well as publishing 2 books – Diagnosis Dystonia: Navigating the Journey and Beyond Pain and Suffering: Adapting to Adversity and Life Challenges.

I don’t say this to gloat. This is not my style in the slightest. Everything I’ve done and continue to do just feels like the natural next step forward for me and that’s the only way I look at it. It’s nothing more special than what anyone else is doing with their lives to make the best of it by not giving up and trying to find their purpose. So, I share these accomplishments to illustrate that with the right mindset and perseverance, anyone can get out of the hole they are in. My goal now is to help people who are struggling with their particular set of challenges.

Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how deep or dark your hole is. We can all get out and find meaning and purpose in our lives. If you are in one now, the most important thing to do in my opinion is to not avoid or deny the darkness. See the hole, feel the darkness, and embrace the experience. If you want to transcend any state of suck you are in right now, you have to feel it, own it, live it, and face up to it. Denial of it will worsen it and prolong it. I wrote a blog about this called Embrace the Suck of Life. Click here to check it out.

We can’t change anything until we accept it or come to terms with it, whichever words hit you best. We have to stop saying life shouldn’t be this or that way; it should be this way, because it is this way. We have to stop resisting what is, move forward, and make the best of our lives. That’s all! Just do the best you can by taking baby steps in a different direction if the one you are headed is not working out.

A healthy way to deal with problems is to look at them as opportunities for growth.
– C Norman Sheely, MD, PhD –

With all this in mind, I made a promise to myself long ago. I said, “I do not know why this health issue happened to me and I lost everything, but I do know one thing for sure; something great is going to come from it because I refuse to go through this for nothing.” I first heard this from author and motivational speaker, Sonia Ricotti. I carry this thought with me every day. It is most helpful on days where I feel like throwing in the towel.

Be thankful for closed doors. They often guide us to the right one. Be thankful for what you have and you will end up having more. Don’t start your day with broken pieces of yesterday. Today is a new day to start fresh. Every day is another chance to change your life if you choose to view it this way.